Sunday, January 31, 2010

My Latest Book - Scouting the Divine

I have been affected by this book in a good way. It really opened my eyes to understand the significance of so many references to vineyards, sheep and shepharding, and even wild honey. Margaret Feinberg did a great job of adding color and facts without changing the truth. All in all a pretty good read.

pg. 199

though i may not enjoy the time period i am currently in, it will pass. Another will come. and whether i like it or not, another will come after that. In my life, I will experience times of joy, of sorrow, of anticipation, and of failed expectations - but i cling to the fact tha tin all fo the many season, my constant source of joy and peace is rooted in someone much wiser than me.

lots of revelation packed into this book.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

This Winter

Oh man.... another cold day, and a wonderful 12 to 15 inch snow pack on the ground. God I am really serious now, I really want to move away from icky, snowy, and cold Iowa! So today was another wonderful day in the life of a stay at home mom who doesn't get out because of the nasty weather! Kaylie told me she wished I would go to heaven and get died because I told her she needed to play in her room until daddy got home from work. I feel like crying at the drop of a hat, and overall just feel miserable. But as I sit here and wallow in my self pity I am thinking about all of the people in Haiti who are suffering way more than I could ever imagine, and I am praying God that you would compassion and mercy on those wonderful people. Bring them peace, prosperity, and provision in their time of need. I thank you for all of the people doing their best to raise money and send money for the relief effort there. God I also continue to pray for those recovering from hurricane Katrina, there are so many people still suffering from that as well.

Praise God I have a home, a warm bed, food on my table, and a family to share it with. God forgive me for my pessimistic attitude today. Give me strength to take it one day at a time and to focus on you and on loving those around me!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

a heart aching.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long will I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart everyday?
How long will my enemy have the upperhand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don't let my enemies gloat saying, "We have defeated him!"
Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
because He has been good to me.

God, I am so sad. Even my own husband does not understand my sorrow. I believe you, I trust you, I believe that You are who you say You are and that you will do what you say you will do. God, we all just need to see more of you. I know that I can't see the big picture, and I don't know your plan. But my heart is aching for Caleb. I guess my pain is for everyone. God I struggle so much some times when Kaylie is going through so many wonderful stages, and I just begin to weep when I see pictures of Caleb before his accident. My insides are just crying out WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM??? God what put him in this condition. Why is our family going through so much saddness? I seem to be missing my dad more and more each day, and I am just choking back tears. In the midst of my inner turmoil there is Joy. Because I am a child of the Most High God. I have been abundantly blessed. I have Rob, Kaylie, and Jennah in my life. God I just need you to turn to me and restore the sparkle to my eyes or I will die. God soon and swiftly move over and through Caleb's body. Touch his brain and restore the connections that are required for communication, for running and playing, for saying "I love you mommy", for seeing and walking and talking and being Caleb. Restore the sparkle to his eyes God. Restore the sparkle.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Romance...

Have you ever gotten roses or flowers from someone special, do you remember how that made you feel? Have you ever had someone give you something that may not have even cost a dime, but it was something that you really enjoy? Like a book, or just a note to say hello, or a thank you, or simply a "I was just thinking of you, and wanted to say hello". Things that we even forget how they made us feel to begin with. Things that encourage or build you up, by showing you that you are special to that person. A greeting card, someone remembering your favoriate color. Or someone saying "I was shopping, and I saw this and thought immediately of you". How did that make you feel? I know for me personally I get a warm fuzzy. It makes me feel important. It makes me feel like this person cared enough about me to remember something that would make me smile. That usually happens between close friends and family. Though not nearly as often as it should.

Today I was walking outside, and I noticed these big white puffy clouds scattered across the bright blue sky, and how vibrately green the trees looked. And then I heard it... "I made this for you, because I love you." Clear as day. The Lord God... The MOST HIGH choose to think of me. Amazingly enough though this is not a rare occurance. The rare occurance is that I noticed the attention and affection being showered upon me. For no reason at all God created me to be the object of his affection. No strings attached. He doesn't even push himself upon me. Don't you think that every morning he could wake me up and REQUIRE me to focus on him. He doesn't. Why is that? Do you think that maybe it's because spontaneous love and caring is so much more meaningful? God wants us to notice him so he paints the sky with various colors and rainbows, and paints the country side with wild flowers and trees. Birds and other wildlife are scurrying about and believe it or not that is worship to the king. Because it is doing exactly what it was created to do. Wow. When I think about God, and his majesty over all things, and then realize... that he's in love with me. He romances our spirits and calls us to himself. Like a budding romance, he sends us flowers, love notes, writes poetry for us on a daily basis. Constantly longing to draw nearer to us. A Sacred Romance... I started reading a book yesterday by John Eldridge "A Sacred Romance". And it talks about this very thing. And once again I am reminded of how important I am to God. And that Jesus didn't come for no reason, and that he didn't suffer for no reason. His love for me is rooted so deeply that it exsisted before I even came to be. I am God's dream. He created me to love me, and for me to love him and worship him.

The verses below have been on my heart lately because I have been struggling with this intense anxiety (which comes and goes) about fearing my own death, or the death of a loved one. I don't understand how I can fear what should be the most joyous occassion for me. Going home to be with the Lord. But then the urgency returns, and I realize that I am completely terrified because I have family and friends that I know do not know HIM. And I become desperate to show them the King. And what he has done for me.

Lord, help me not to fear my coming home, and to realize that my wonderful husband will be with me in heaven someday, and to live one day at a time knowing that I am being cared for by God. And knowing that my husband would be well taken care of if I am taken before him. God I pray for my family, that you would soften their hearts and call them to yourself. I pray that you would take up residence in the hearts of my Mom, Dad, Sisters, Neices, Nephews, and Brothers-In-Law. God I love them, and the thought of an eternity without them is scarey. God I just long for them to know you. Thank you for my friends, and my church home, and the wonderful encouragement I find in them. God I love you. And I ask Lord that you would choose to show mercy on my family and claim them as your own. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN.

Galatians 5:1"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with the yoke of bondage."
Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Thank you all for reading :)
Love in Christ the Savior,Sarah J.

A Sponge...

Lord I love you. I thank you that no matter how long I wander in the darkness you are always there when I say "Lord I miss you". God draw me closer to you, and hold me tight. Keep my heart tender and teachable. Keep me like a sponge with a deep desire to continue learning and growing my relationship with you. You are so facinating. God dwell within me so deeply. Help me to feel comfortable with praying again. Bring back the fire of my youth, and help me to sustain it. God grant me the ability to love others deeply because you created them. God draw me to yourself and never let me loose :)
Love,Your daughter - Sarah